Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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