Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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