I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
