Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i out mim tonsoeep
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
