You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
