Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
