so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
