The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
