in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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