We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
