stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
