I'm drive I can fine osifer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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