I can text with my tongue
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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