Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want is dick and wine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
