I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
