the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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