forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
