My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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