Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
