You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
