also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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