i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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