Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize