who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
