If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
