So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
