She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
