I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
