My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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