covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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