You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
