I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
