return my video game
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He passed out mid-signature
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
