Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize