I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
