White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
