the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
