can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
