2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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