tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
