he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
