she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
