I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
