How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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