Barsexuality is the new black.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
