Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
