Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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