We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
