I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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