how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
