its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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