so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
