chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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