i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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