8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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