it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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