Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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