My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
