I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
