so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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