the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
