my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
