She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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