paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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