so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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