well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
