She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
