I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's always time for handjobs
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
