just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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