He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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