I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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